


Suck My Board Bitch

by nyicris



Category: SKAM (TV), Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Skiing, just a lot of sweaters okay, shark sweaters, winnie the pooh sweater
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-10-01 05:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10181360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyicris/pseuds/nyicris
Summary: When Isak and Even go on a ski trip to Switzerland with their squad, they meet another LGBT couple. They don’t get competitive. At all.Maybe a little bit.Or: E!Online Poll AU + henrik’s extra ass





	

**Author's Note:**

> Beta’d by my favourite malec shark @cherryacida (tw) <3\. Hopefully this can come across as funny for both fandoms, as I am a former SH fan. I’m not a malecphobe, I’ve got plenty of malec friends! But I’m obviously not impartial haha.

“Wake up sleepyhead, we have a great day ahead!”

Isak groaned _fuck you_ at his boyfriend in response.

“Rude. I’m going to meet the guys at the hall downstairs, okay?” Even kissed his cheek and slapped his bum. “Get your lazy ass out of bed!” He then closed the hotel room’s door with a loud slam.

Isak didn’t know why he agreed to go on a ski trip to Switzerland with the squad on the winter break. He blamed his boyfriend’s charming skills and Vilde’s high-pitched voice, insisting over and over again. Isak tried to hide himself under the sheets to forget about the snow, the cold and about skiing. Completely useless.

Eventually he got up and went downstairs, only because his stomach began rumbling. Isak found his friends at the sofas near the entrance.

“I’m so hungryyyyyyy,” Isak sat on his boyfriend’s lap, still mid asleep, and Even pulled him into an embrace.

“Awwwwww, so cute!” Vilde made him realize he was actually showing PDA in front of his friends. The guys included. He quickly jumped from Even’s lap, only to fall at Eva’s since she was seated beside his boyfriend.

“Isak, you know we know you have a boyfriend, right?” She said from behind him. Isak blushed and rolled his eyes as the rest of the group laughed. _Whatever._ “You should keep up, though. Seems like you’ve got competitors.”

Isak followed Eva’s gaze. A couple of two men were walking down the stairs, holding hands. One of them was Asian, his hair styled in a rug and ski clothes covered in glittery details. The other, who was Caucasian, wore more discrete clothes than his partner’s and had a tattoo across his uncovered neck. They were quite an outstanding couple.

“Eva, there are no rivals for Even and Isak, they are freaking _evak_ ,” Magnus blurted out, although he seemed mesmerized watching the two strangers walking through the front door.

“They are an LGBT interracial couple. Try to beat that,” Sana said, a playful smile on her lips.

“Oi!” Even grabbed Isak and pulled him onto his lap again. “My grandmother was Danish. Don’t disrespect my roots!”

Isak let Even squeeze him in front of his friends, just for once. _Competitors? Duh._

 

***

 

“Here you are, baby,” Even handed his mug to Isak, who was resting on one of the hall sofas after one hell of a day skiing.

“Thank you Alec, sweetheart,” A silvery voice replied in English from the sofa in front of them. _That couple again_. The so-called Alec also handed a mug to his partner. Isak was so tired he didn’t even notice them, but his boyfriend sure did. He looked at his mug, then at Alec’s, then at Even.

“You are not trying to make this a competition, right?” Isak narrowed his eyes and his boyfriend replied with an innocent smile.

“What are you talking about?”

But he snuggled beside him at the same time the other couple did. _Weird_.

“We should get two of those too,” Even whispered in his ear while stroking his hair. _Those_ were the matching sweaters that the couple wore with a shark drawn on them.

“That’s cheesy. And ridiculous.”

“Isak, you are wearing a Winnie the Pooh sweater right now. I don’t think you get to –Ouch!” Isak elbowed his boyfriend before Even could finish dragging him.

He heard a chuckle coming from the other sofa.

“Magnus, shut up!” Alec put a hand on this Magnus dude’s mouth, but they were both laughing.

“Are they mocking us or..?” Isak repositioned himself against his boyfriend’s side. “If they want war, they’ll get one.”

“I don’t think so, they seem cool. Relax,” Even said without looking at him, completely focused on the other couple’s movements.

“ _Aku cinta kamu_ ,” Magnus’ eyes rummaged his boyfriend’s face. “Which means ‘I love you, darling’ in Indonesian.” Alec rolled his eyes in response but then kissed him, making Magnus’ smile grow wider. Isak stared in awe.

“ _JEG ELSKER DEG,_ ISAK!” Even’s voice disrupted the enchanting scene. “Which means ‘I LOVE YOU’ in Norwegian.”

“Why the hell are you speaking in English now?” Isak muttered.

“Because I love you in all languages!”

“Stop, please,” He lowered his tone as his boyfriend raised his.

“Never going to stop loving you, baby!”

Isak pushed him down in the sofa and Even began tickling him. Isak fell to the ground and his boyfriend bursted out of laugher, holding his belly. Isak’s side hurt, but Even’s laugh was contagious. They were a mess.

“While these kids make a fool of themselves, Alexander, let’s go to our bedroom to have some quality adult time,” Magnus purred as Alec and he headed to the stairs.

“Enough, Mags,” Isak heard Alec saying before the couple was out of his sight.

Even stared at Isak and raised his eyebrows.

“What?”  

Even didn’t answer. He grabbed Isak by his arm, helped him up and stomped towards the elevator, Isak following closer.

“They are teasing us.”

“Whatever. Ignore them.” Isak shrugged and grabbed their room key from his back pocket. “We are not kids. We are mature enough to not fall into their childish game.”

Isak was convinced of that. Then, they found Magnus and Alec in front of the door beside theirs, presumably looking for their own key. Isak and Even were mature enough to ignore the fact that this irritating couple was staying the night one wall across them. Isak and Even were mature enough to let them sleep. And certainly, they were mature enough to not engage in a competition to find out who's louder in bed – Americans or Norwegians?

 

“No fucking way, Even. We’re so not doing this.”  

 

***

 

“Why don’t you sit down, Isak?” Magnus asked across the table. They were having breakfast in the hotel’s dining room. That time Isak managed to get up on time. Not that he got any sleep, either.

“Are you kidding me, Mags?” Mahdi sat beside him. “Geez, I bet you two provoked an avalanche last night.”

“What can I say, Norwegians do it better!” Even placed an arm around Isak’s waist. _Wait._ His boyfriend was speaking in English like he wanted the whole building to be aware of their countrymen bed skills. Again.

“Are they here?” Isak whispered, leaning closer.

“If by “it” you mean being boring and not switching roles all night, then, yes, my sweet summer child, Norwegians do it better,” Magnus pointed out from the table right behind Even and him. Isak wasn’t feeling shy anymore – After all, the whole hotel had heard him moaning and screaming. So he snapped back.

“At least we didn’t fall asleep...”

Alec raised one of his bushy eyebrows.

“At least we aren’t twins!”

Even got up shoving his chair back and Alec mimicked him.

“Let’s end this!” His boyfriend raised one threatening finger. “Take your snowboard and meet us at the front door in one hour.”

“Done!”

 

***

 

“I’m usually the extra one in the relationship. I don’t know why in the name of Lilith he agreed to do _this_ ,” Magnus had his arms crossed yet he couldn’t help an amused smile.

“Oh, I’m used to _this_ already,” Isak said. “But what can I do, though? I love him.”

“We love them, even if they are now snowboarding their way down the ski slope to prove their superior masculinity.” They were finally reaching the bottom where Isak and Magnus waited for them. Even was winning. “Although Alexander is still secretly afraid that my cats don’t accept him.”

“And Even made our first kiss look like the one in _Romeo and Juliet_ ,” He replied in a sloppy English. “I’m sure Alec can’t beat that.”

Magnus giggled. “You’re funny, little man. Isak, right?”

“Isak Valtersen, Norwegian gay twin kid,” He extended his hand. “Magnus? I have a friend that’s called Magnus, too.”

“Magnus Bane, the one and only,” He shook his hand in return and winked an eye at him. “High Warlock of Brooklyn.”

_What._

The boys arrived then, abruptly cutting their conversation. Even won, but the victory didn’t matter to Isak anymore. His boyfriend was on a whole different dimension, though.

“Suck my board, bitch!” Even screamed at Alec, throwing his board to the snow.

“I am not your bitch!” Alec retorted.

**Author's Note:**

> The last line is courtesy of my beta and Alec’s inability to make a pie.
> 
> Leave a comment if I'm not funny at all. <33333
> 
> tw: @evenismo


End file.
